Don’t Wait for Rock Bottom - with Sam Delaney

Sam Delaney is a journalist and broadcaster. I contacted him after I found his article in the Guardian saying that he is having more fun than ever now that he is sober – and he is 7 years sober just like me! Sam hosts two podcasts himself – one of which is called The Reset, a podcast in which he chats to guests about mental health, addiction and recovery He has just published a new book called: Sort Your Head Out - Mental Health…without the Bollocks In this episode:- Sam’s drinking career got off to an early start when he would go to the park with his friends at the age of 12 – drinking cans of warm beer taken from parents houses He thought nothing of it – it was just what kids did – totally normalised We agreed that times have changed and that a lot of teenage drinking came from the fact that we had so much time on our hands in those days Time to drink, to smoke weed and getting into fights was a kind of hobby to pass the time! Of course these days kids spend much of their spare time online which has a positive side to it In real terms the stats tell us that the UK streets are safer than they were in the 1980’s, in spite of constant headlines about knife crime Sam’s drinking didn’t become problematic until his late 30’s when his lifestyle hit a perfect storm The combined pressures of his career, young family, hectic social life as well as maintaining his Jack the Lad identify left him exhausted Exhausted mentally physically and emotionally We talked about the “false narratives” that are common among drinkers and Sam’s internal narrative was that he was doing this for the family The drink and drugs were acting as fuel to get him through the day and night – the fun was long gone Another false narrative was that it wasn’t harming anyone – whereas in fact his wife was becoming increasingly worried If she expressed her concern he would become hostile and tell her not to try to control him We agreed that the term “rock bottom” was yet another false narrative and that the last thing we should do is wait for the rock bottom Far better to step off the slippery slope as soon as possible rather than think you are fine until you get to that place! We agreed that drinking feels like freedom at first but for some of us it becomes a prison and makes our life very small We lose the ability to enjoy everyday pleasures The example of not seeing the point of a walk in the country unless the destination was a pub says it all! Towards the end of his drinking Sam would wake up each morning feeling awful and resolving not to drink that day – but of course he always did. He was trapped in the Groundhog Day prison of daily drinking He indulged in yet another false narrative – the one about if you’re drinking expensive wine then you must be a connoisseur rather than someone with a problem Of course whether a bottle of wine costs £20 or £8 its still ethanol! One day he booked a session with a therapist at the Priory and that started his recovery I love the fact that he chose what he calls a “hybrid” approach – a bit of AA, a bit of therapy, a lot of reading and most importantly community support and sharing. The modern recovery movement offers a pathway for everybody – and there is no reason why we can’t mix and match the various approaches We need to throw the book at our sobriety and do whatever it takes! With 7 years of sobriety Sam can look back on his journey and realises that he’d been white knuckling for the first couple of years It was only a work crisis that made him re-evaluate and realise that he had to go deeper He’d been isolating and realised that he had to “do the work” Part of that work has been connecting with people in recovery and having conversations for his podcast or his articles I’ve done pretty much the same and learned so much from my podcast guests One of his revelations during sobriety was that it wasn’t a binary choice – he didn’t have to choose between the Jack the Lad drinker lifestyle or the “sober serious