Covert Emotional Abuse, the Myth of Mutual Abuse, and Double Abuse

In this episode of Narcissist Apocalypse, Brandon Chadwick is joined by Annette Oltmans, founder of The MEND Project, to discuss covert emotional abuse, double abuse, and the myth of mutual abuse. Annette explains how hidden tactics such as minimization, blame shifting, deflection, false accusations, stonewalling, and broken promises can keep survivors confused, overfunctioning, and struggling to put into words what is actually happening in their relationships. Brandon and Annette also explore double abuse, which can occur when survivors finally reach out for help and are met with disbelief, judgment, victim blaming, or harmful advice from friends, family members, therapists, faith communities, or other institutions. They also discuss reactive defense and why a survivor reacting under prolonged stress should not automatically be viewed as evidence of mutual abuse. Throughout the conversation, Annette explains how better language, validation, compassionate listening, and a clearer understanding of abusive dynamics can help survivors make sense of their experiences and begin rebuilding trust in themselves.