On the show today: FINAL DAY FOR “WEDNESDAY” SALE: Tim invents a brand new holiday just to grift you: Wednesday — the last chance to snag Sideshow memberships at Black Friday/Cyber Monday pricing: $6 monthly $60 yearly $300 lifetime (no more recurring charges, you cheap pigs) Kitchen Reno From Hell: Lord Douche and Tim are locked in a domestic war over bisque vs. biscuit composite sinks. Seven butter bells returned over micro-flaws, glazing, color, and the rotation of the Earth. The kitchen is a hoarder zone; Tim has given up cleaning after being accused of throwing away “critical” chocolate shards reserved for hot cocoa. Lord Douche must be mad about something at all times, and Tim’s gloves are apparently the source of all countertop chaos. Gay Couple Cage Match: TikTok captures two extremely dramatic gays going nuclear in a hallway over bags, rain, phones, and “you won’t let me leave!” One queen screeches like he’s being murdered while… standing in the hallway totally free to go. Tim compares the whole thing to a live-action remake of The Birdcage and imagines himself reacting the same way when Lord Douche rethinks the sink color. Gabrielle Channa (Gail) Loses Her Antichrist Buffs: Gail falls on a walk, skins her knee, and blames an “interdimensional attack.” Claims her 10,000 IQ Antichrist healing powers have mysteriously stopped working. Douses the wound in Dermoplast despite being allergic, then blames “automatons” for brain-controlling her into it. Announces that doctor-husband Brent Spiner (Data from TNG ) secretly did a knee replacement and replaced her synovial fluid with singer Zack Knight’s semen , which she insists is the “perfect antibiotic.” Tim wonders how a deity with a trillion-IQ husband can’t handle a scrape. Fat Activism vs. Parking Meters: A West Hollywood fat activist melts down over cute “don’t feed me, I’m on a diet” meter stickers. Tim points out it’s about quarters, not calories; not everything is a personal attack on your BMI. Her art? Drawing beloved characters like Sailor Moon as super-obese. Influencer vs. Olipop: Plus-size influencer with millions of followers loses it because a soda brand only sent her swag up to XXL after she demanded 4X. Tim notes that their business is soda, not custom-tailored circus tents, and encourages brands to avoid this walking PR landmine. Creepy Cam Hackers in South Korea: Four men allegedly hacked over 120,000 home and business IP cameras. Sold explicit hacked footage (including bedrooms, karaoke rooms, and a gynecology clinic) for crypto. Tim points out: if you’ve got a bedroom cam with the default password, you might be an unpaid porn star. Japan’s “Zombie Cigarettes”: New street drug: vape liquids laced with the medical anesthetic etomidate (a.k.a. “zombie juice,” “space oil,” “K-pods”). Little to no euphoria, just instant sedation, twitching limbs, and full zombie mode. Media fret that “zombie cigarette” sounds too cool; Tim prefers the branding “space oil” anyway. Voicemails & Texts: Holiday greetings from the freaks, Satan shoving baby Jesus up his ass, and questions about whether Lord Douche is secretly on the spectrum. Shout-outs to listeners sending in sink suggestions (including a $25k surgical scrub sink), hole pics (and black holes), and confusion about what the hell to do with Scrod.net. Tim plays a Snowplow Show prank call where Brad Carter repeatedly name-drops “Tim Henson from Distorted View” while blaming him for attempted car break-ins. Support the Show: Sideshow sale ends TODAY – $6 / $60 / $300 at distortedview.com . New merch & returning favorites: Levenge hats, freak pillows, tote bags, t-shirts, drinkware and more at shop.distortedview.com (Sideshow freaks get 10% off). Sponsor an episode for $25 via PayPal (
[email protected] or paypal.me/distortedview). All that plus your voicemails, texts to 4-Hairy-Cunt , end-of-show jingles, and the eternal search for the perfect goddamn sink color.
