On Today's Show: 🎁 12 Deals of DV: Hat Day Tim kicks things off with a limited-time merch deal: get $5 off any hat at shop.distortedview.com with promo code GIVEHEAD (today only). 🎅 Santa, Hit Me Harder (Listener Message Bit) A very intense “letter to Santa” turns into full-blown festive BDSM roleplay. Nothing says Christmas like begging St. Nick to beat you purple. 🧳 Listener Sponsor: Mark’s Big Move & eBay Junk Fest DV listener Mark is moving out of the country and selling 50 years of accumulated crap on eBay – books, CDs, tech junk, vintage gadgets, even a Palm Pilot and a label printer. Use promo code Timmyboo for 11% off You also get a free creepy family photo Link: tinyurl.com/MarksMove (also in the show notes on distortedview.com) 💀 “Don’t Stick It in Crazy” – Side Chick Truck Drag Disaster Tim plays wild footage of a guy cheating with a very unstable side piece who drags him down the road with her truck after he stops calling. Clinging to the door at highway speed Broken ankle in the middle of traffic Tim’s advice: if you need variety, hire a professional —don’t risk your limbs on chaotic affair partners. 🧽 Sagittarius Shaughty vs. The Sponge (Again) Our favorite chaotic escort is back with another “sponge stuck in the no-no square” emergency room saga: Sponge used to block period blood during clients Aggressive customer hammers it deeper in Multiple failed attempts to fish it out at 3 a.m. ER visit filmed for Vlogmas 2026 Plus: body-shaming a client’s tiny equipment, refusing to do anything beyond the bare minimum, and still somehow booking more appointments. 🎭 Art Corner: Bruce Nauman’s “Good Boy, Bad Boy” Tim discovers 1980s performance artist Bruce Nauman and his dual-screen piece “Good Boy, Bad Boy”: Two actors repeating lines like “I have sex / you have sex / we have sex” Lines shifting from neutral to angry to exhausted Tim remixes it into “I like to s*** / this is piss” and declares it the perfect DV theme. 🚓 Police Bodycam: “You Had to Be a F *ing American”** A state trooper melts down on a driver who questioned his speeding and tailgating: Driver has marijuana in the car and still decides to confront the cop Cop snaps, cites statutes, stomps the weed container, and rants about the public Tim compares it to his own near-disaster with an angry cop in traffic. ⚡ Health Segment: Electric Rectum & Lightning Crotch From London comes the delightful diagnosis of “electric rectum” (aka Proctalgia Fugax) and “lightning bum” : Sudden electric shock feelings in the back door More common than people think, often harmless but terrifying Tied to pelvic floor spasms, IBS, infections, and more Tim dusts off the legendary Kegel Song and imagines a world where pelvic exercises save your anus. 🍳 Florida Man Tries to Kill Mom with a Frying Pan In peak Florida man fashion, a 53-year-old allegedly tries to murder his 82-year-old mother: Attacked her with a frying pan, then tried to smother her with pillows Claims he was overwhelmed by her early dementia and caregiving needs Tim (darkly) riffs on how easy it would be to discreetly kill a dementia patient—and how this guy chose the stupidest possible method. ☎️ Voicemails, Texts & Lord Douche Updates Texts about urine stem cells and people defending pee-drinkers Listener Dion demands timestamps for Unicorn Hamster so he can skip him Praise for kitchen renovation updates and pleas for Lord Douche to appear on the show (with voice disguise and conditions) Rants about roundabouts, “electric rectum” as a band name, and a throwback to John Ashcroft’s “Let the Eagle Soar.” 💸 Support DV & Holiday Sideshow Deals Holiday Sideshow sale : monthly, yearly, and lifetime memberships 22–33% off at distortedview.com Access to the full archive, past minis, and exclusive episodes Patreon: patreon.com/distortedview Sponsor an episode for $25 via PayPal to
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