Phone Anxiety, Oxytocin and the Choice To Take The Call

Have you ever watched your phone ring, seen exactly who it is, and just let it go to voicemail? Not because you're busy, but because you didn't feel like talking? You're not alone, and there's a reason it's become so easy to avoid. This week Carly looks at why so many of us, young people especially, now reach for a text over a call, and what that shift might be costing us. It turns out hearing a familiar voice does something a text simply can't. Carly weaves together the research on phone anxiety, the physiology of the human voice, and the small daily choice we all face when the phone lights up, and makes the case that true connection has to be heard. If picking up still feels daunting, there's a less daunting first step in here too. 

Carly is a counsellor and coach who specialises in building psychological hardiness — the ability to navigate challenge, stay engaged, and take meaningful action under pressure. Her work integrates modern psychology with Eastern and Stoic approaches, helping people build resilience, live with purpose, and respond to life’s challenges with greater clarity, courage and steadiness.

References and further reading:

Seltzer, L.J., Prososki, A.R., Ziegler, T.E., & Pollak, S.D. (2012). Instant messages vs. speech: hormones and why we still need to hear each other. Evolution and Human Behavior, 33(1), 42–45. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3277914/

Seltzer, L.J., Ziegler, T.E., & Pollak, S.D. (2010). Social vocalizations can release oxytocin in humans. Proceedings of the Royal Society B, 277(1694), 2661–2666. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2982050/

Coan, J.A., Schaefer, H.S., & Davidson, R.J. (2006). Lending a hand: social regulation of the neural response to threat. Psychological Science, 17(12), 1032–1039. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17201784/

Kumar, A., & Epley, N. (2021). It's surprisingly nice to hear you: misunderstanding the impact of communication media can lead to suboptimal choices. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 150(3), 595–607. https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5394dfa6e4b0d7fc44700a04/t/5f5a8bd2bec7a45b9db0d41c/1599769555766/Kumar+Epley+(in+press)+Its+surprisingly+nice+to+hear+you+JEPG.pdf

Uswitch (2024). Call me maybe (not): a quarter of young people never answer the phone. https://www.uswitch.com/media-centre/2024/04/Call-me-maybe-quarter-young-people-never-answer-phone/

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