I Talked to Danny Meyer About Changing Your Grip and Building for Essentiality

It took me nine years of prep and nearly 1,500 interviews before I got a chance to sit down and talk with the legendary restaurateur Danny Meyer.

You have to work everyday to reach your dreams. Here’s my story about how this one became reality:

In 2017, we launched our first podcast Behind the Smoke from a small office across the street from Cali BBQ in Spring Valley, California. We had a few mics, a basic camera setup, and a whiteboard filled with the leaders I dreamed of interviewing.

Right at the top of the whiteboard was written “Danny Meyer”, the founder of Union Square Hospitality Group.

I had first read his book Setting the Table back in 2008 when opening my restaurant. The lessons I learned from it were ingrained in me. In 2019, as we were beginning to grow Cali BBQ Media, I pulled that book off the shelf to re-read it yet again.

On page 104, right next to a passage about building an “aura of authenticity” at Gramercy Tavern, I wrote a note in pen: Behind the Smoke w/ Danny Meyer.

I knew I wanted to interview him, but I also knew I wasn’t ready yet. Earning that seat was going to take time, consistency, and relentless preparation.

By 2026, the dream became reality.

I watched the sun rise over the San Francisco Bay as we drove into the city.

Walking into Bourbon Steak in Union Square alongside my Cali BBQ Media team, who were running cameras, audio, and producing behind-the-scenes content, we prepared to film an episode of the Restaurant Influencers podcast and a separate Q&A for the print Entrepreneur Magazine.

Seeing our crew set up in that room was a testament to what happens when you build a team that shares the vision and executes at the highest level.

In times like this I think of the people who’ve been with us during the journey that led to this interview. Partners like Toast and PepsiCo who believe in us and the multiplying power of storytelling and hospitality.

Those companies and the people within them understand deeply the importance of building a culture that matters.

Danny often says culture is an aspiration, not a destination. During our conversation, I asked him how he defines it.

“Culture is ‘the way we do things around here,’” he told me. “You can have a culture with no intention, but you can’t have a great culture without intention.”

He calls it an aspiration because you never truly arrive. There will never be a moment where the culture is completely “fixed,” and that’s okay, as long as the intention is to keep moving forward.

As founders try to scale that culture, Danny shared a crucial metaphor about knowing when to let go: changing your grip.

When you learn to play tennis, you’re taught a basic grip to get started. But if you want to get better, if you want more velocity and topspin, a coach will tell you to change your grip. At first, it feels uncomfortable to make the shift.

“That is the exact same thing we have to learn as leaders,” Danny explained. “The way we have always led might have been good enough to get us here, but as you scale the business, you absolutely need to change your grip. Sometimes you have to loosen your grip and let other people hold the racquet.”

In his book, Danny tackles the realities of scaling and facing the fear of failure head-on. A few years after Setting the Table celebrated never closing a restaurant, he had to close his beloved Tabla in New York. Instead of hiding from that reckoning, he openly shared what he learned.

Having closed Cali BBQ locations myself and chosen to document those hard choices publicly, I know how rare that honesty is among founders. Real leadership like that which flows from Danny Meyer is about having the courage to keep moving forward.

“Especially in a hard economy, what we are all selling is hope,” he said.

“In tough times, hospitality is the answer to what could possibly go right...”

He pointed to the very last chapter of What Could Possibly Go Right?, the concept of essentiality.

“Can we create businesses that genuinely make people’s lives better?” he asked.

Collecting Dots to Connect Dots

Danny talks about ABCD: Always Be Collecting Dots so you can Always Be Connecting Dots.

One of the most meaningful dots in this 18-year story belongs to the late Mike Mills, the legendary pitmaster and founder of 17th Street BBQ.

Back in 2018 in Texas, Mike and his daughter Amy sat down with me for an interview on Behind the Smoke.

During our conversation, Mike and Amy spoke with admiration about their relationship with Danny Meyer, reflecting on how Danny brought authentic barbecue to New York City through the Big Apple Barbecue Block Party and what he meant to the entire hospitality industry.

Sitting across from Danny at Bourbon Steak eight years later, I played that clip of Mike talking about him. Watching Danny react to hearing Mike’s voice again, 6 years after he died, brought a rush of emotion into the room. It was a raw, beautiful reminder of how interconnected our industry truly is.

That emotional momentum carried straight into page 186 of Danny’s new book, What Could Possibly Go Right?.

In 1984, Danny saw Stephen Sondheim’s Sunday in the Park with George on Broadway. One song stayed with him for four decades: “Finishing the Hat.” That song is about an artist creating something on a canvas that used to be blank.

When Danny reopened Union Square Cafe in 2016, he read those lyrics to his team on night two. To Danny, that’s opening a restaurant: imagining a place, building it, and letting people create memories in a room that used to be empty.

I had marked page 186 in my copy with one word: GIFT.

On Monday morning of interview week, I texted my friend Nick Osnaya at Left Coast Printing Pros. I was interviewing a dream guest, so could he make me a custom hat by Wednesday at noon? Five letters, one question: WCPGR? (What Could Possibly Go Right?, the name of Danny Meyer’s book.)

Wednesday afternoon, the hats arrived, and I boarded my flight for the interview.

After playing the Mike Mills clip, I read Danny that passage from page 186 and handed him the custom hat.

He put it on. We both had tears in our eyes.

“God bless you,” he said. “I will cherish that.”

Then he signed my book: “Thank you for your passion for hospitality & culture.”

My conversation with Danny Meyer started with his book that I read in 2008. It wove through my interview with Mike Mills in 2018. It grew into a note in the margins when we launched a media company. And it culminated in sitting across from Danny in 2026.

That is an 18-year timeline of collecting dots before they ever connected.

You have to build relat