How to Use Mimetic Desire to Deepen Relationships, with Luke Burgis

Mo asks Luke Burgis: How can we use mimetic desire positively to deepen relationships?

We all have a core motivation that has been with us our whole lives. If you look hard enough you will probably see a pattern in a person's motivational drive. These core motivations are less mimetic desires and you can learn them by listening to the way they describe their proudest achievements.
Getting at the heart of a person's core motivation is one of the most important aspects of building a powerful team or client relationship.
Thin desires tend to be all over the place and tend to be more mimetic. Thick desires tend to follow the same path of growth throughout a person's life and build up over time.
A great starting question for a new client would be "In the past, what did a relationship you had with a partner that you consider a success look like?" Those stories are a template for the relationship they want to have with you.
Think about a time in your life where you found a deep sense of satisfaction and achievement. That's a sign of a core motivational drive and thick desire.
In terms of business, ask about a win in the last few years or a relationship they were deeply satisfied with. Draw out what was specifically meaningful for them. Then ask what actions they took to achieve that, and what about that project that was so satisfying. Everyone has a different answer and understanding why they consider those things wins in the first place will help you more deeply understand the person.

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