Pelvic floor tips to move from tension and guarding to comfort and confidence
If you’ve been listening to this series and thinking…
“Okay, I understand what might be causing my pain.” “I see how stress and mental load are affecting my body.” “But what do I actually DO?”
This episode is your next step.
Pain with intimacy is common — but it is not something you have to push through, numb out, or accept as your new normal.
Today we’re talking about practical, body-based strategies to reduce pelvic floor tension, rebuild safety, and gradually restore comfort and confidence in the bedroom.
Because healing isn’t about forcing relaxation. It’s about creating safety.
In This Episode, We Cover:
Why pushing through pain makes it worse
The pain → guarding → more pain cycle
Why many women with painful intercourse actually have an overactive pelvic floor (not a weak one)
The importance of downtraining before strengthening
360 breathing and long exhale techniques to calm tension
“Hip breathers” and mobility work that support pelvic relaxation
External soft tissue release before internal work
How to approach dilators or pelvic wand work safely (if appropriate)
The power of slowing down arousal and removing performance pressure
Lube, positioning, and small environmental shifts that make a big difference
How graded exposure helps retrain the brain and calm pain pathways
The Big Reframe
Pain with intimacy is not a sign that you are broken.
It is information.
Your nervous system and pelvic floor are communicating something — often about tension, overwhelm, fear, or past experiences.
When we respond with pressure, force, or avoidance, the guarding increases.
When we respond with safety, breath, and gradual progression, the body adapts.
Your brain and pelvic floor are deeply connected — and both can relearn safety.
Practical Starting Points
If you’re experiencing pain with intercourse, consider:
✔️ Pausing penetration temporarily ✔️ Focusing on breath and long exhales daily ✔️ Addressing hip, inner thigh, and glute tension ✔️ Prioritizing arousal before penetration ✔️ Experimenting with positions that give you control ✔️ Removing pressure to “perform”
Remember: intimacy does not equal penetration. Connection and pleasure are broader than we were taught.
When to See a Pelvic Floor PT
You may benefit from professional support if:
Pain persists beyond a few months
You have a history of tearing or scar tissue
You experience severe guarding or anxiety
You’re avoiding intimacy entirely
DIY approaches aren’t helping
Inside RESTORE, we focus on breath coordination, nervous system regulation, mobility, and pelvic floor retraining in a progressive, supportive way.
For more complex or severe pain, 1:1 pelvic floor physical therapy may be the best next step.
You do not have to navigate this alone.
Up Next in the Series
In our next episode, we’ll talk about rebuilding confidence and reclaiming pleasure — not just reducing pain.
Because healing is not just about eliminating symptoms. It’s about expanding what’s possible.
If this episode resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear that pain with intimacy is treatable — and that softness is strength.
~ XO Dr. Des 💛
Want a Structured Way to Rebuild Safety in Your Body?
Check out the FREE Masterclass Pain to Pleasure inside my app Pelvic Floor, Core & More Now!
https://pelvic-floor-core-more.passion.io
🌀 Ready to feel stronger, more confident, and in tune with what it needs?
If you’re done guessing and googling… If you’re ready to stop modifying your workouts out of fear… If you’re ready to move, lift, run, and LIVE without leaking, pain, or pressure...
Then it’s time for RESTORE — my 12-week signature pelvic floor & core rehab program Evidence-based. Nervous system-informed. Holistically healing.
Inside RESTORE you’ll get: ✔️ 12 weeks of progressive breathwork, mobility & strength ✔️ 5- and 20-minute workouts to fit your life ✔️ Deep pelvic floor edu
