Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

When people are killed, when children go missing, when affairs are had, the detectives of the world step in and smoke, deduce, analyze, smoke, gather clues, smoke, fight, smoke, and light up a cigarette in search of justice. What happens, however, when the detective swaps out a fondness for recreational cancer in favor of fine cuisine and even finer facial hair? Why, then you’d have the mighty moustached sleuth Hercule Poirot, ace investigator and star of numerous movies such as Murder on the Orient Express, a 2017 who-dun-it directed by Kenneth Branagh and based on the 1934 book by Agatha Christie. Murder was received with positive, if somewhat tepid reviews and a heaping helping of cash that spawned two more Christie adaptations by the same team, but those are mysteries for another day. For now, we have the Case of the Squabbling Siblings, and who is the perpetrator of this most ghastly crime against innocent ears? It’s Nathan and Elliot of Magellans at the Movies, of course! So, grab your nightly stache protector and your favorite Dickens and join us as we attempt to deduce the flaws and strengths of this steam engine enigma.

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