Here I am sitting in the middle of the night, probably 9 PM, and I changed all the bulbs in my house to red light, so it looks a little bit like the red district, but it has really helped me change my sleeping patterns, because as soon as I turn on the lights I feel like winding down. And I am also waking up really early, so I can see the sunrise, and it just changes everything. I’ve been wanting to stay quiet, but then there are other things that I need to process, so basically what I’m doing here is I’m going to process out loud. I’m going to process out loud and take time to process. Two thousand twenty five has been about rewiring my nervous system. I am watching how my body reacts to everything: to light, to silence, to money, to people, to messages that arrive and to messages that never arrive. I am listening to the speed of my thoughts, the way my heart races or slows down, the way I reach for my phone or for my own breath. It is as if my whole system is learning a new pace, a new baseline of safety that lives inside my cells and not in the reactions of others. What am I processing? I don’t know how to explain this year. It’s been the year. I’ve been saying it for a while that it’s the best year of my life. Second best is 2020 and 2021. Those years were amazing. I just empowered myself to be free, and I felt what freedom was like for real. This one is more about: I know I’m free right now, but with 2025, 2026, it’s about having the courage to go all the way. I’m all in. I’m all in, in life, in expansion, in feeling, in being quiet, in being there for me. It’s absolutely beautiful. On the other hand, some things, people, and situations have run their course, and I’ve done a little bit of mourning. I’ve been slow. Now that I discovered the beautiful GNM, I can understand that probably I have been mourning, my mom died in 2023, but I’ve been mourning other things too, I’m mourning my life in New York; 27 frigging years. I’m finally mourning myself within a twenty year-long marriage. I’m also mourning my father for the first time, Since I jumped into emotional detachment to protect my pain; I’m mourning a lifestyle. When I mourned my mom, I was holding her very tight, day and night, she was with me, then Mayra, my shaman, passed at the beginning of this year, unexpected to me, but she is also very present. I have this thing that I am present with dead people. I can go back and forth. I am present in constant time. yet I know when it is time to let go. dissolve, undo, give thanks, let go… Dissolving with soap Today, Wednesday the tenth at 7:30 a.m., Neptune went direct at 29 degrees of Pisces. I want to speak about this, because I think I have been aligning so much with my transits that I am capable of receiving messages beforehand that help me decipher what is unfolding. Neptune entered Aries briefly on April first, then went retrograde and re-entered Pisces 10/22/25, and in that return a lot of confusion surfaced. It felt like it messed the structure I had prepared for 2025, because deeper information needed to come through, now I feel I can restructure it with more clarity. Neptune in my second house has been dissolving old attachments to value and dissolving illusions about worth. Saturn has been traveling with Neptune, and both have been squaring my nodal axis in the fifth and eleventh houses. This has been asking me to see the patterns that shaped my creativity, my friendships, my communities, my pleasure, and my sense of contribution. It has been showing me where I needed to reclaim sovereignty over my resources and over the way I invest my energy; my old scaffolding of self worth has been dissolving so I can build something true. At the same time, Uranus has been moving through my fourth house, and this is the key that opened the door: when Uranus entered Gemini, I felt a disruption in the foundation of my being. It felt like instability at first, but now I understand it as the revelation that my nervous system was shaped long before I had language. My system adapted to my mother’s needs, to her anxiety, to her responsibilities after my father died. I became the one who sensed the emotional climate before it shifted. I was not the oldest child, but the one chosen to support her, and the structure of my nervous system was built around managing everyone else. My mom’s gaze had been very critical, very funny at times, and when she could not get her way, it was expressed in restrained anger. I learned to adapt on a day to day basis, my scope was to measure her mood; Is she funny, or frustrated? and I would adapt, little did I know this adaptation that made me survive both as an over caring person and as a clown, would shape my nervous system, until this year when I noticed it was an adaptation, not the truth… Uranus retrograde made the message even clearer, what I thought were emotional habits were physiological imprints, what I thought were psychological tendencies were survival strategies woven into
