On Today’s Show: Craigslist Courtship, Cheryl-Style: Cheryl Murkowski recites a very real, very caps-locked personal ad. Spoiler: please have all your damn teeth. Principal on Crack? A Pennsylvania middle school principal goes full meth-head philosopher at a community event, screaming about socks while students film. Paid leave never looked so easy. Porn Beetlejuice Becomes Pussy Juice: A high-production-value porno parodies Beetlejuice , except it’s Pussy Juice . Yes, she squirts. No, the ending makes no sense. First Class Freakout: A Trump voter bum-rushes a plane, plops her ass in first class, and refuses to touch her own bag. Cue the cuffs, whining, and threats to sue. Linda Finkel Hall of Fame: Rediscovering Final Placement’s “Shine,” a catastrophic Mary Tyler Moore ripoff that proves some bands really should stay in final place. Shooter Scandal: The man accused of killing Charlie Kirk was allegedly deep into furry porn games like Furry Shades of Gay . He may also have been into forced-feeding porn. Bad news for everyone—furries, gays, trans people, gamers, crocheters. Call Your Boss a Dickhead (Once): A UK tribunal rules that an office manager unfairly dismissed for calling her bosses “dickheads” gets her job back. You get one free insult, folks. Listener sponsorship from Unsafe Volvo Gal (with a side of Stephen Dawson content). Voicemails about ass-wiping techniques, weight-loss injections, porn-on-laptops during doggy style, and one very pissed bed partner. Tim contemplates a queer/trans/furry exile country (pedos not invited).
