396: Why You Still Miss Your Abusive Ex
Missing an abusive ex can feel like proof that something is wrong with you. Dr. Lisle says it's actually a sign your genes are doing exactly what they evolved to do. That is precisely why you shouldn't listen to them. A listener asks why she can't stop thinking about her abusive former partner, who is now posting wads of cash, designer clothes, and new tattoos online. She also wants to know whether he'll ever realize he was wrong and come back. Dr. Doug Lisle explains how the mind calculates mate value, and why bold, sexually confident, aggressive males carry what he calls "sexy son" leverage that your genes may still be chasing. He also explains why jealousy and control can act as a supernormal stimulus signaling how valuable a woman is. Finally, he explains why abusers don't come back changed, and why physical intimidation is close to a one-strike-and-you're-out rule. Dr. Lisle's new book, Sherlock Holmes and the Secret of Life, is available for pre-order at https://sherlocksecret.com. Use code BYG20 for 20% off. 0:00 Intro and Dr. Lisle's new book 1:39 "Why do I miss my abusive partner?" 4:06 Why women stay in abusive relationships 7:13 The sexy son: why your genes are drawn to him 7:52 How jealousy and control signal your value 12:15 Will an abuser ever realize he was wrong? 14:37 Where the line is on physical intimidation 17:56 Does a tough partner protect an agreeable woman? Beat Your Genes is co-hosted by evolutionary psychologist Dr. Doug Lisle, PhD and Dr. Nathan Gershfeld, DC. New episodes every other week. https://www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle: https://esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld: https://fastingescape.com X: https://x.com/BeatYourGenes Intro and outro: City of Happy Ones. Ferenc Hegedus. Licensed for use. Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast #abusiverelationships #evolutionarypsychology #toxicex