Wild West Dating & Mail Order Brides: Tinder of the Old West

In this episode, Simone and her guest delve into the fascinating history of mail order brides in the Old West. They explore why men and women opted into these arrangements, what each gender valued in a partner, and how societal values have changed over time. The script covers a variety of firsthand accounts and marriage ads from the 1800s to early 1900s, highlighting the practical and often business-like nature of these unions. The hosts also discuss the broader cultural implications and talk about how modern individuals might learn from these historical practices.

Malcolm Collins: [00:00:00] Hello, Simone. Today we are going to go into an interesting deep dive to learn more about dating in the old West. We are going to look at the widely practiced concept of mail order brides in the old West. Talked about why people opted into it, why they did it.

Review a lot of firsthand accounts of what men were looking for back then and what women were looking for to understand what they valued in a partner and how that has changed in society. Because I think that that's something to go back to, like different cultural periods to one, better understand our own ancestry because I think a lot of Americans have forgotten what their great grandparents valued, what they were looking for in partners, et cetera.

And we, we, through seeing different cultures, we can be like, oh, this is a different way to relate. To marriage and sexuality. And, and a lot of people would ask, they'd be like, how really, like women would do this. They would like get in a carriage and like drive out to meet with someone in the middle of nowhere in like the old west.

Like, weren't they afraid of like being turned into [00:01:00] like a sex slave and like chained up in the basement or something. And it's like, well actually there wasn't that much risk of that because that was sort of like a strictly like worse value proposition for a guy than a wife. Sex slaves are very high maintenance.

Especially if you're living on the frontier, like yeah, they're

Simone Collins: not doing that much work, which is, I mean, I guess you could, you could force them to work. There was like that, that tragic story recently of the. Mm. Well now man, but who had been trapped in his house for a long period of time and he was occasionally let out to clean the house.

So he did do some housework, but then otherwise he was in his room. Yeah. That's

Malcolm Collins: strictly less like even if they were just cleaning the house, that's strictly lesser than you can get out of a dedicated wife who like you, you dedicated part of your time to. Right. You know, like you get a lot more labor out of her just by being nice.

So we'll, we'll get to like the dynamics of this, although there was an instance. Where a woman did get married to a nice guy, only to realize shortly after her wedding, and we'll go into this case in a bit, that he had robbed her stage coach on the way over, not knowing it was his future wife, [00:02:00] and he was just on the low down, also a stage coach robber.

Oh, oops. Well, he was nice about it too. He didn't know it was gonna be his future wife, and he let her keep her wedding outfit and everything. And Oh, that's, she was like, oh, I'm gonna get married. And then he's like, oh, yeah. He's like, I can just imagine his face when she arrives, like, oh, sh uhoh, uhoh.

What a start, huh? That's, that's before getting into all of that. I want go into some marriage in the old West. Okay. Rucks coffee, coupons and rings. In late 18 hundreds, rucks Coffee was a dominant brand across the American frontier, especially among cowboys, homesteaders, and miners. Coffee was a staple, and Arbuckle stood out by including redeemable coupons or premiums in their three pound bags.

These weren't just throwaways. Think of them as loyalty points. Customers collected them to train for goods like kitchenware, razors, and notably. Finger rings, the rings often simple bands or [00:03:00] modestly adorned were marketed as keepsakes or engagement symbols. The claim of 80,000 wes a year was, was one of their, their things.

So the old wesler was a common practice of you would buy. Now, the, the reason this brand of coffee became popular among the old West first is they built a a way. To seal it so it stayed fresh longer so they could ship it further. And so, then the next thing they did is they built a system where you would get like this coupon book that you could use to buy things, but one of the most popular items in the coupon book was wedding rings.

And so people would save up for various wedding rings that they would buy with coupons.

Simone Collins: That is that, I mean, that makes sense. It, it sounds honestly like buying. A wedding ring with your credit card points today, which a lot of people do. So I bet if I log onto our credit card rewards, I will find ways to buy a ring.

Which time all day. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. We spend all our points on, hey, this year, never

Malcolm Collins: [00:04:00] one to rest on his laurels. Our buckle next came up with a voucher plan. He printed a coupon bearing his signature on each package. A given number of coupons would earn the bearer one of a hundred items available in Arbuckle's catalog.

The wishlist book of its day items included everything from a toothbrush to a double action revolver. A young man could even order a golden wedding ring for his lady. Love his lady love. Oh, I love that. You could be killed by a gun that somebody got was coupons in the old West. Not only was the coffee a lifesaver to those early westerners, so was the packaging coffee was shipped with sturdy main fur crates, 100 pound bags to the lot.

The crates were used to make furniture coffins and cradles. The Navajo Indians even used the wood to make a hogans and trademark flying angel that embezzled each package of coffee , adorned mini, a Western Christmas tree.

Simone Collins: Oh my gosh. That is very interesting. Right?

That is so cool. I love that.

Malcolm Collins: I, I thought you'd get excited about this. I was like, [00:05:00] that's a, that's a cool little anecdote. I'm moving that right to the beginning.

Simone Collins: Yeah. Hold on. I wanna, I wanna see if

Malcolm Collins: I can find pictures of these, these books. I, I, I, I could find pictures of the books, but not the rings.

Simone Collins: Well, I mean, I imagine the rings looked pretty you know, nondescript.

Malcolm Collins: Yeah. Like just a gold band. Yeah. That's my guess. So a common cording custom in the old West was something called cording mirrors. Cording mirrors were another quirky tradition, more common in rural America, including the old West during the 18 hundreds. They were small handheld mirrors, often four to eight inches long with wooden or metal frames, sometimes carved or painted with simple designs like or flowers.

Aw, a sooner gifted one to a woman. He was courting, and it wasn't just about vanity mirrors were pricey and were rare on the frontier where glass was a luxury. Mm-hmm. Giving one signaled thoughtfulness and investment, like gifting a high-end gadget. Today the mirror had symbolic weight too.

It was intimate. A personal item tied to appearance and identity, suggesting trust and admiration. Some stories claim that women used them to reflect on their suitor's [00:06:00] intentions, . Although that likely was romanticized folklore, practically a mirror was useful for a woman living in a sod house or cabin with few possessions.

In some cases, couples exchanged mirrors with the man keeping a smaller one as a memento reinforcing mutual commitment. That's sweet. They