In this episode of Based Camp, Simone and Malcolm Collins explore the plight of men who choose to embark on parenthood despite the myriad challenges they face finding wives and having children in the modern age through the lens of recent social media controversy surrounding a programmer named Ben Orenstein. Join the Collinses as they discuss the criticisms Ben faced and dive into a guide to surrogacy and single fatherhood created by Based Camper Revy. We hope you find the conversation interesting! For quick access, here’s Revy’s Guide . As this was a Simone-presented episode, here’s the outline! The episode transcript is at the end. Based Camp - Men Parenting Their Own Way Get Hate The X Controversy Ben Orenstein Controversy on X * Ben : “I’m giving myself about another year of searching for a partner, but will then pursue single fatherhood. I’m still hopeful it won’t be necessary, but in the end I can’t allow myself to miss out on raising children. Even having gone this long without them is an agony” * This is in response to a post by Romy Holland : “i know two guys who are considering having kids via surrogate bc they badly want children but haven’t been able to find partners to do it with. they’re both extremely successful and love kids. i dunno what’s going on with dating but i don’t think it’s just men being anti-commitment and women being too picky.” * IN FAIRNESS, BEN IS ONLY “ kind of ” (his words) COMMITTED TO MONOGAMY * “Before I send your profile to a friend, and just based on the water you seem to be swimming in, I have to ask—are you looking for a monogamous relationship?” * “Kind of. Gonna add a section about this in my doc shortly.” * Jesse Genet weighed in : “Kind of? I gotta be blunt as a pregnant lady who has children… this is disqualifying… child rearing requires monogamy, full stop. Children need a strong partnership, adults that don’t grasp that family formation comes before keeping intimacy options open aren’t cut out for it.” * Ben : “Strong partnership and monogamy are *not* the same, and people confuse this to their *extreme* detriment.” * Supporters * Captain Weak Hands @drysvictim my baby sister was born via surrogacy and we have a lasting, close relationship with not only the surrogate but her family as well. i have yet to hear from a surrogacy critic with any lived experience * Illaria DiMar @IllariaDiMar My neighbor loved being a surrogate. I’m pretty conservative but don’t see how surrogacy is any different than infant adoption. The surrogate is often using someone else’s eggs... whats wrong with gamete donation. Humans have been raising non biological offspring for a very long time! * Critics: * Ben : Dude is almost ready to give up on his *wife search* and buy a baby but is he looking for a monogamous relationship? “Kind of” Sure, being a dad is the greatest thing but buying a baby is DARK. Earn the love of a good woman and turn that love into kids. * Schrödinger’s Lesbian ⚢ Another reason why I changed my position on Surrogacy. These people do not care about the welfare of the babies or mothers. To them a baby is a mere commodity. * Emma O Connor : I changed my position as well. Ben is acting like he’s owed a child. * Victoria @VictoriaLandy2 The problem people have is that these babies are created with the purpose of being adopted for money, not the adoption itself * Eric @Eric85Astoria Donating eggs is dangerous for the woman donating. The donor and surrogate both take high doses of hormones. The egg removal procedure can cause ovarian scarring and leave the egg donor infertile. Surrogate pregnancies have x3 the complication rate and can cause health issues. * Simone Checking : Do gestational surrogacy pregnancies have higher rates of complications? Is there a reporting bias at play? * Multiple large studies and recent meta-analyses indicate that gestational carriers experience substantially increased rates of severe maternal morbidity compared to natural conception and even standard IVF. * For example, a Canadian study reviewing over 863,000 births found that gestational surrogates had a 7.8% rate of severe maternal complications—over three times higher than those pregnant without assisted reproductive technologies (about 2.3%) and almost twice the rate found in IVF pregnancies. These risks persist even when controlling for age, health history, and other demographic variables. * Katy Faust : The adults- intended parents, the surrogate (and if applicable sperm/egg sellers)- are all often very happy with the surrogacy arrangements. But surrogacy always asks children to sacrifice someone they need, deserve, and have a right too. * This is a retweet of Mars {the style oracle} saying : “part of my calling has always been “talking about my experience as an adoptee at all costs.” many people have NO idea what the average adoptee/surrogate child experiences, especially when separated from the mother. even when separated at birth (or, tbh, ESPECIALLY separated at birth). it can l
