How Do I Know if I Lived a Good Life?

In this thought-provoking discussion, we explore different perspectives on what constitutes a life well lived. We discuss flawed metrics like funeral attendance, dying with money, and social status games that don't matter after death.

We argue the only real metric is whether your kids carry on and build upon your values and worldview. We see ourselves as intergenerational entities, so extending values systems matters more than contiguous personal experience. We also touch on coming to terms with mortality, the psychology of life extensionists, and modernity's existential dread of death.

Overall, an insightful look at how to live in a way that creates meaningful impact beyond one's lifespan. We aim to set up the next generation, not maximize our own transient pleasure.

Malcolm Collins: [00:00:00] I think the, the, the core things where people like really f**k up how they're optimizing their lives is they optimize it around competing in a specific social dynamic or a specific social community that is like, you know, it could be that they organize themselves based on how, how alpha they are, for example.

And that doesn't really matter when you're dead. Like, that's not

Simone Collins: the thing is, I think that like our final. The theme here might be that the bigger issue is that it's not like people are optimizing around dumb reasons for a life to well lived, like we alluded to in the beginning, which we don't agree with, you know, like how many people show up at the funeral pot, but they don't, there's, there is literally nothing, you know, like I'll just spend all my money, I will just like max out everything, nothing matters after I die.

No, I

Malcolm Collins: don't want to see this. I think that's true, but I think a different way to word that is they're optimizing around norm, like, like, living the cultural ideal set out like the aesthetic cultural ideal set out by a specific community that they identify with. And one of the key problems of this is this [00:01:00] often leads to an obsession.

With like, being okay with yourself and being okay with your identity. In a way that can become all consuming because it's so circular. It's only you who judges whether or not you're okay with who you are. And so when you live a life to be okay with who you are, you will never really be okay with who you are.

Would you like to know more?

Simone Collins: So Malcolm, you know how we were told multiple times by someone that like the way, you know, you've lived your life Well is by the number of people at your funeral So if you have a ton of people at your funeral, obviously that means you nailed it, right?

Yeah Well, I just like heard of the greatest hack for this someone for their funeral had a raffle for giving away their car. And I'm like, well, this is it. You just like, you make, you, you pre plan it, you pay it. You have a public announcement when you die and you list all the assets you're going to raffle off to anyone who comes.

Everyone shows up to your funeral, like done, you know, you hacked it. Now you've apparently lived a good life and all this happens after you die, of course, but apparently a lot of people care about [00:02:00] stuff like that. So for those who do, you're welcome.

Malcolm Collins: Well, and there's a lot of cultures similar to that where you can buy grievers.

You know, we've talked about this in other episodes, like in Korea, you can buy people to come and grieve at your funeral. If not enough people are going to come. Well,

Simone Collins: and I mean, this goes back to ancient Egypt where they were professional mourners, right? Who would, you know, wail and whatnot.

Malcolm Collins: Well, and Rome did this as well with the processions after people would die.

You know, it's, it's... What is up with people? Why

Simone Collins: do they care? Like, what is, what is this, this weird desire for people to be really sad that you died? I mean, I guess it means that, like, you were necessary to them. It implies that you provided a lot of resources, because I think the real reason why people would lose their s**t if you died is they were also losing their house and their food and their job and, like, I think it's

Malcolm Collins: a popularity thing.

They see, they see life is about accumulating, I guess I'd call it emotional debt from other people. And they want the maximum number of other people to [00:03:00] feel bad about the fact that they had died.

Simone Collins: Like they want to go out like Princess Diana, like she, I feel like in all human history probably had the best, like, everyone mourning for her very dramatically thing, you know, where like it was traumatic for everyone, right?

I

Malcolm Collins: always remember her as the one with the expensive beanie baby made for the, yeah, you

Simone Collins: know, you've made it. When you die and they make a commemorative, trendy, collectible for you, whatever that may be, you know,

YEah, stupid reasons. Well, like, stupid measurements for a life well lived. So what are, what are good measurements for a life well lived? Well, I mean,

Malcolm Collins: I, I think that this varies across cultures, but I think it's important to talk about from the perspective of our own cultural group.

Yeah. What is a good measurement? Okay. And I would say there is only one measurement that really matters to me. And that is, what do my kids think of my life? Oh, what? Interesting. I'll explain. So there's a lot. Like I've said, I [00:04:00] think a good life lived is an individual who makes the world a better place for the next generation.

Yeah. But I think it's more than that. Okay. I get to teach my kids. Value system. Mm-Hmm. . nOw two things here. If that value system isn't good, if they don't believe that in my life it reflected in a, a good life, like in the way I treat you, et cetera, then they will leave that value system. They will go to another value system, and they will judge me by that other value system, which is presumably better than the value system I taught them.

Because they turned away from it, right? Correct. Yeah. Okay. So in that case, they would judge me negatively or, or, or just whatever through the, either this other value system, but

Simone Collins: well, another way of looking at it though, is even if your kids choose to go another way.

That may be thanks to you and that other way is way, way better. And you just didn't have enough information in your lifetime to know it. You actually do them a huge favor by giving them the information they need combined with their, you know, real world world experience to choose a better option. So, okay.

[00:05:00] What Philip of Macedon or Philip of Macedonia, like, was an okay ruler, right? But like, Alexander the Great may have disagreed with him. He didn't exactly carry on exactly what Philip did. He also didn't carry on exactly what his mother encouraged him to do. But instead he achieved really, really great things.

I don't think he would have achieved exactly what he would have achieved had he not. been exposed to his parents and seeing what they do well and what they didn't do well. And he did learn a lot from Philip for sure. But he, he remixed it. I don't even think that like having your kids choose something different is a bad sign.

I think having kids who are efficacious is the ultimate sign. And as long as you set them up for that, I think it's great. Right.

Malcolm Collins: Yes, but hold on, so I'll keep going. So that's one potentiality. They choose a different tradi