Feminism Stole Her Family & Purpose (Why Modeling Your Life on Sex and the City Is A Bad Idea)

Join us as we delve into Jean Garnett’s provocative essays, including her New York Times piece 'The Trouble was Wanting Men,' and explore the psychological and social intricacies of modern dating, the role of feminism, and the concept of 'hetero-pessimism.' Our discussion takes an analytical approach, drawing parallels and contrasts with urban monoculture, manosphere critiques, and the personal narratives of failed relationships. We also highlight how the dynamics of open relationships, dating communication, and societal expectations can lead to emotional and relational turmoil, presenting a cautionary tale for both men and women in today’s dating landscape.

Malcolm Collins: [00:00:00] Hello Simone. Today we are going to be talking about not just a piece that was published in the New York Times called The Trouble was Wanting Men by Jean Garnett.

But some other pieces she wrote leading up to this. Okay, I think. You're getting into her lore. Oh yeah. I've had to break apart these pieces, restructure how they're being delivered. Because in the same way our life of a Cide episode really dug into the life of Anna Vains and threw it, understood one way that the urban monoculture can destroy everything in her life that matters.

This individual, you know, a lot of the manosphere has been examining her takes and just being like, heard or dur like women being. Salty about men you know, making bad decisions and ultimately being a hypocrite. Which, you know, okay, all of that is true, but I think it's more interesting to dive into the psychology and sort of how she spiraled into this position in her life.

And how [00:01:00] feminism can destroy the mind of a woman. Oh. And lead her to absolute emotional ruin in the same way that, you know, we, we talk about sort of the trans mimetic virus can destroy the, the life of like a young autistic person. Sure.

Simone Collins: Yeah.

Malcolm Collins: And I, and I don't think that feminism, like, like when you see this person's life, you're gonna be like, wow.

Like there's a lot we can learn from this.

Simone Collins: Oh, a cautionary tale. Well, perhaps then we shall share this with our, our. Children when they get older, at least, especially our daughters. I'm curious to see what you find though. Yes, it's not, is there stuff that wasn't obvious to us? Oh, well, just tell me. Let's go, let's, well,

Malcolm Collins: yeah.

What's more interesting when you read sort of, and this is why it's good to peel back into the older stuff as well Yeah. Is when you read her instate, she just appears to be such a vile and hateful person who deserves every bit of sadness that she's experiencing. Okay. Due to living a life that's dedicated to prejudice.

But and, and prejudice against men. But it's How did she get there? [00:02:00] Right? Like, how did she start off a

Simone Collins: little more like optimistic and hopeful. Yes.

Malcolm Collins: Yes. She started off with a whole, everything is working and it wasn't even her that I would argue started this, this, this trail of dominoes. But her husband she was married.

Oh, yes. Yes. We'll get into this. Okay. So let's jump into this. Happily Married. I thought this was

Simone Collins: about a, you know, a single young woman who's trying to make it No, no, no, no, no.

Malcolm Collins: If the experts say in my romantic letdowns have some larger social significance, I am not going to argue. The men I want are not wanting me badly enough.

Not communicating with me clearly enough. Not devoting themselves to me, by the way. Like you read that it's like a normal human, and you're like, that comes across as psychotic. Yeah. Little, little entitled, little entitled. Men are horrible because the men who I want are devoting themselves to me Enough.

What do you think she, by the way, if you wanna see a picture of her, I'll put one on screen here because I, I find that that sometimes tells people she is I'd say all the more [00:03:00] attractive side for her age. Normal looking white woman. Okay. All this certainly seems calamitous enough to warrant an ism wait, that they're not devoting themselves to you enough.

The men who you want is calamitous in your mind. The level of entitlement, right? Like you are a walking. Nightmare for a guy. But to continue, men are what is rotten in the state of straightness. And why shouldn't we have an all-inclusive byword for our various pessimisms about them domestic pessimism.

They still do less of the housework in childcare, partner violence, pessimism. Femicide is still gruesomely, routine onic pessimism. The clitoris in its properties still elude many of them, and the perpetually proud masculinist subcultures that have risen, at least in part as a reaction to these pessimisms, keep coughing up new reasons to [00:04:00] fear and rage and complain about men.

And, and, and I just love that all of this here gets framed in the men who I want don't just not just don't want her, but aren't devoting themselves to her.

Simone Collins: Yeah. I also have a beef with people. Who I don't know are, are, are extremely entitled about being pleasured properly. When, like for men, it's so freaking easy.

Like there's literally like a handle and you kind of like, I'm not saying there's not finess to it, but like, it's so easy. Whereas for women it's like, well, some women feel it this way and some women feel it this way. And like it, I, I couldn't, like, if someone was like, pleasure this woman, I'd be like, oh my God, I'm going to die.

Whereas some, if someone was like, pleasure this man, I'd be like, okay, I'm pretty sure like male or female, you can probably figure that out. But if you are given like a random woman, any of us, and someone's holding a gun to her heads and like, you need to make her orgasm, like we're all gonna be like, okay, I guess I'm gonna die.[00:05:00]

And here she's being like, how dare people? I mean, we've already addressed all this stuff around like. You know, violence in, in lesbian relationships being actually pretty high. Right. And

Malcolm Collins: so just to her point there about domestic violence of women if you look at straight violence levels in heterosexual couples mm-hmm.

The violence levels in lesbian couples are way higher. Right. Whereas violence levels in gay male couples are the same as straight couples or less, depending on the study you're looking at.

Simone Collins: Right.

Malcolm Collins: Which implies that it is not the men who are engendering the violence. Like we, we can just look at the data.

It's the same as divorce rates. Divorce rates way higher in lesbian communities than in straight communities or, or gay communities.

Simone Collins: Yeah.

Malcolm Collins: We can just look at the rates. It, it's coming from inside the house. Women. But hold on. I, I had pulled that from the center of the article so we can get to like her core complaint and what she's trying to set up here.

This hatred that some women have now of straight dating and the suffering and anxiety that they feel when on the straight dating [00:06:00] marketplace. All right. Have they tried lesbian dating? Like, is that so much better? We'll get to that. We'll get to that. Okay. Very curious. That does come up in here. But we're gonna go back in time and go to what happened, what happened to her last marriage.

'cause clearly she was married, right? Yeah. What happened? One of the reasons my marriage ended was that I fell in love with another man who I'm referred to by his first initial J and people are devoted