Every Man (Sexually) is Simultaneously Raider & Homesteader

We discuss Malcolm's theory that men have two overlapping sexual strategies evolutionarily encoded - a "raider" sexuality activated by porn/hookups and a "homesteader" one for long-term partners. By better understanding this bifurcation, men can avoid incorporating unhealthy Raider aspects as their identity. Roleplaying with a wife may satisfy the Raider side but risks altering her pair bonding.

Malcolm Collins: [00:00:00] there are two major sexual events or strategies that a male can undertake. They can overlap and both be successful within the same individual. That means is that there was likely a push for both strategies to develop within men simultaneously. Yeah. And this leads to my hypothesis that the average man has a Raider sexuality and a homesteader sexuality. And, and so the things that turn them on most when they do with their long term partner may be actually entirely divorced from the things that turn them on most when.

What would activate our Raider sexuality most within the modern world would be pornography. These are women that you have no emotional connection to, you see as entirely disposable. This can cause a lot of problems if a man, when he is young when he's learning what his sexuality is He begins to think that his sexuality is only [00:01:00] comprised of the type of pornography that he's consuming.

If you can genuinely convince a woman's body that she's sleeping with a bunch of different people through this sort of role play, you might be actually triggering the same biological change that happens with her actually sleeping with a lot of people.

Would you like to know more?

Simone Collins: requires some major mental caliber, which only, only men

Malcolm Collins: have. Savona's pointing out that some of our audience doesn't like when we're on the wrong side. I

Simone Collins: see the comments. I hear you people. And I made sure that we

Malcolm Collins: This is, this is the problem with attracting a disproportionately autistic audience.

Is they get annoyed when we're on the wrong side. Well, you

Simone Collins: know what? But

Malcolm Collins: I want to talk about a concept that we have developed since writing The Pragmatist Guide to Sexuality. So all of our theories of human sexuality, this is actually not in the book and we haven't done a test on this yet. When I am done with important projects I'm working on now, I may one day run a test on it or when we have Ayla next on, because we're [00:02:00] booking that now I may try to compel her to include this in one of her future studies.

But it is a concept that I think is really worth discussing on the channel in detail in sort of a dedicated episode as the what do we call it? The dual sexual strategy hypothesis. Okay, yeah, that's a good word for it. Which is to say that, Humans can have multiple sexual strategies pre programmed into them that exist alongside each other.

So, one iteration of this that we do argue for in the Pragmatist Guide to Sexuality. It's how this works in women. So in women, we argue that when a woman goes out there and sleeps with a ton of people, her body undergoes something called a polymorphic change. So polymorphic changes happen in animals.

The quintessential example of this is the grasshopper changing into a locust. If you, so in nature, this happens when it's When it gets over a certain population density but it can be simulated in a lab [00:03:00] by rubbing its hind leg with a Q tip and it leads to a behavioral change. It starts this swarming behavior.

It also changes its color, shape, and size. So, pretty big change. But in primates, we see this in baboons, depending on like the resources the baboons have versus the troop size. They will change their social structure. So, I think it's like in, in resource dense areas it, it, it, versus resource scarce areas, they switch between larger social groups that are matriarchal versus large, smaller social groups that are patriarchal or some inverse of that.

But it's a pretty significant change in how they structure themselves. Well, in humans human females specifically, what we argue in the book, and I believe Pretty strongly is that the more a human woman sleeps around the lower, like there were some studies done on this, the lower amounts of oxytocin she will produce with every first time new sexual partner, meaning that she is less likely.

To have an automatic bond to that sexual partner which [00:04:00] is very useful in a monogamous society meaning that they basically automatically fall in love with the first person they have sex with to, to some small extent, and then to a smaller, you know, the second person, third person, but once they're on like person five, this effect no longer happens at all.

And it's going to have a lot of problems in the dating market when women expect men that they are sleeping with, like on guy 10, to ever be able to recapture the spark they had with their first few p Romantic partners, which is often just impossible with women, not always. I mean, obviously, you know, most men are born being attracted to the female body shape, but some men are born being attracted to the male body shape, you know, as in women, some women don't have this effect happen to them, but I think it happens with the majority of women.

And this is actually a very useful thing from a biological context. So it meant that if you were a woman and you were in a monogamous culture, you would be optimized for the monogamous lifestyle. If you were in a culture where you were being passed around, i. e. your village had been raided, or you were raided.

ex slave of some sort then you [00:05:00] would be biologically optimized for that circumstance. However, this is a trend I've noticed that we didn't mention in the book with the dual female hypothesis. I have noticed that women who sleep around more seem to be more in to what I would call the category of arousal patterns that I call violent submission.

This is things like choking, spanking, degradation, stuff like that. Anyone must have

Simone Collins: data on this because I think she tracks body count plus, of course, things that turn people on.

Malcolm Collins: Yeah. So this is something that we could look at to see if there's a correlation there, but I'm. Fairly certain you're going to end up finding a correlation there with the more partners a woman is sleeping with, the more they are turned on because they are beginning to be optimized, like biologically, for being a slave.

That's what they think they are. They think they are an ex slave that is being passed around some group that has raided and captured her village. This is something that happened very, very, frequently [00:06:00] in a historical context. So frequently in, if you read the pragmatist guide to sexuality, we talk about all the places you see this in behavioral patterns.

So you can see it's pretty deeply carved into our DNA. But Simone, do you want to speak to this at all? No, well,

Simone Collins: this is all stuff we've talked about before. So I'm more interested in hearing you go over the male side of this, which is not in the pragmatist guide to sexuality in which you have.

Malcolm Collins: Come up with.

Well, no, something we haven't talked about it before is the hypothesis that women who sleep around more are going to be more turned on by a violent degradation. I don't, I don't

Simone Collins: predict that with the same confidence that you do.

Malcolm Collins: The next hypothesis is I was thinking like if evolution was going to. Like for something, there are two major sexual events o