Based Camp: Our Relationship Contract

Sit back, grab a drink (preferably not a champagne bottle you're sitting on) and join us for this enlightening discussion about relationship contracts, inspired by a listener's comment. This episode delves into the importance of relationship contracts and the many unspoken social contracts that govern our interactions. With honesty, humor, and a champagne bottle or two, we explore how these contracts play out in the everyday scenarios of our lives and more importantly, in our romantic relationships. We also touch on the topic of maintaining physical attractiveness within a relationship. Whether you're single, dating, or married, this conversation will make you rethink how you navigate your relationships.Transcript by AI:Based Camp - Relationship Contracts

Simone: [00:00:00] Okay. Oh, la la I keep sitting on these champagne bottles, like I

Malcolm: just, why are you covered in champagne bottles? What's the story there? It's

Simone: our, it's our billionaire tech elite lifestyle.

Malcolm: We just, okay, hold on. We'll, we'll do this in the record. Oh, it's recording now? Yeah. Why are you, why are you sitting on champagne bottles?

Simone: It's, I show them and tech billionaires just like have champagne bottles. Sitting all over their furniture. It's annoying. You trip over them, it's like Legos in a parent's house, but champagne bottles, no,

Malcolm: but really Simone, what is going on with the champagne bottles? I went through her room and she had two champagne bottles in her chair.

Malcolm: I,

Simone: I mean, so if we're being honest, it's like a, a motivational thing. Like, I mean, I, I don't really drink now cause like, we're going through an IVF cycle, like we wanna get pregnant and, and yet like, I just wanna know it's there. And if anything goes wrong, we have these like consolation, prizes, like, okay, if, if, if there's a failed transfer, I get this consolation prize.

Simone: If there is [00:01:00] a miscarriage, I get this consolation prize if there's a, a stillbirth, because like, I, I need to not get so demoralized that we don't keep trying. Right. Cause it can be really hard. Well, this

Malcolm: is very germane to the topic of the video. What are these cancellation projects? What's the

Simone: cancellation like?

Simone: It's consolation, consolation, notation. I'm. I'm not being canceled, canceled, don't cancel me

Malcolm: when I have a miscarriage. No. The idea is, is so she asked me for permission. I don't even know why she asked me for permission. I like

Simone: that. You're, you're, no, no. Well, it's actually, it's a marriage contract thing.

Simone: I'm just, I'm making sure that with an expenditure of joint funds on a consolation prize related to our fertility plans, that you are on the same page and that you officially in writing and in a documented fa fashion, approve it. And this has to do indeed with the with the topic of this podcast, which actually came as a commentary suggestion.

Simone: So I'm like really excited because people are now giving us suggestions for our podcast. Are what episode of a suggestion too. Yeah. But anyway so this, this suggestion came from Cat Ad Victorian who said [00:02:00] 100% want your dedicated video to relationship contracts. Your fat clause is so relatable and reasonable.

Simone: My husband does relationship coaching and probably one of the top three reasons, and sadly it's so taboo to point this out, is one of the spouses slash partners has let themselves go and gained a bunch of weight and stops making an effort to be an attractive person in some way. There's this entitled attitude, they should just accept me as I am.

Simone: And if they can't handle it, they're emotionally abusive. It is wild. My husband and I have both gone from periods of fat to fat and fit and back. And so we've experienced this for ourselves and we've learned over our 15 years in counting marriage that we're both making a maximum effort to be healthy for one another and to be alive for as long as possible for our four children.

Simone: Things are pretty satisfying. Well, much more satisfying than if you slump and become schlumpy. It's neither good for yourself nor your spouse. So anyway, Kat adv Victorian. Thank you for your comment. Thank you for your suggestion. We're gonna talk about relationship contracts, and yes, one part of relationship contracts is making sure that you're on the same page with [00:03:00] expenditures.

Simone: I just wanna give like I.

Simone: Bird's eye view of relationship contracts. One, you're in a social contract with everyone that you interact with, like that's the key premise of like, why is it worth it to have a relationship contract? Every time you have a conversation with someone, every time you get on a bus, like you are engaging with a social contract, the social contract on a bus is that you're gonna sit down and not urinate and not get naked.

Simone: You're, you're gonna, def. Allow the wheelchair bound people just in the wheelchair area, if they come in there, there are these unspoken social contracts we have. The problem is, especially when you live in a diverse environment and people have a lot of different cultural backgrounds, it's really important to be more explicit in.

Simone: Discussing what your social contracts are, especially when you start to be in a more higher stakes relationship, like a romantic relationship, a sexual relationship, a marriage, et cetera. An

Malcolm: example of this is if you're dating somebody, people from different cultural backgrounds, one may think that dating means that they are exclusive.

Malcolm: Another may think that dating doesn't mean [00:04:00] they're exclusive. Mm-hmm. Or one may think that Well, yes, dating means you're exclusive, but you know, kissing someone else is an infidelity. And so if you don't, if you aren't really explicit to make sure you're operating off of the same shared social code, then it can lead to misunderstandings, which are really important when you consider what's actually going on with one of these contracts.

Malcolm: So if we go back to the dating, what's actually happening is, is both people are saying, I am making these sacrifices or restrictions in how I act with other people to benefit my relationship with you on the understanding that you are making like an equal trade off of sacrifices. And if that is improperly communicated, one partner might feel like they made sacrifices that the other person didn't make, or, or something like that.

Malcolm: And with all of the different like cultural baggage around what creates these default relationship contracts? Different cultures have found different optimums work for those cultures, and within [00:05:00] every culture there's this belief, well, the way that I do things is the correct way to do things.

Malcolm: So, continue from there.

Simone: Right. And so when, when people typically hear that we have a relationship contract, they immediately think like, oh, this is where, we discuss how you tie up and whip each other, isn't it? Like this is where you, your sex dumping comes into play?

Malcolm: Oh, I, Mr. Mr. Gray, what?

Malcolm: What's, is it gray? Is that what Mr.

Simone: Gray? I don't. 50 shades of gray is what they think of. I think th