Constellation of She-Bear

Dear Ones,

You just never know where a sacred path is going to lead you. Right now, I'm on the balcony of a hotel on the Sonoma Plaza. It's curious finding myself here because I live here in Sonoma. But it just so happens that for various reasons, last night, every bed at the inn, including at my house, was full because we just had an event, Exotic Creatures.

As I sat in my little car trying to decide where to go next, I wanted to go for a swim. I wasn't sure where to stay. And I looked up the most affordable hotel in town, which happened to be right on the plaza. So as I made my way here and got in my pajamas after a beautiful swim, I wondered... Was there a reason that I could think of why I would be right here?

The reason why I'm right here... is to connect with my roots. Because this Sonoma Plaza is where I took my first steps. It's where I have memories of my mothers and my lovers. It's a place as close to home as I've ever known. Next to these trees. These flowers. This rose garden. This sundial. These amazing ducks. So I wanted to start my day right here. With the sounds of the morning birds. The light of the sun. The sounds of the traffic going by. And this poem/prose that I wrote from bed this morning. Ready to listen? Tune in. Because here we go. It's called the Constellation of She-Bear.

Constellation of She-Bear

The morning birds have let you know that the light is returning now. Right in the middle of where you are, there is beauty right next to the trouble. Can you pause and look for it?

Just the presence of the sun is the reminder that there are cycles within cycles and it won't always feel like it does right now. Exactly, exactly in the spot that seems almost impossible to navigate, there is an opening to go through. Look for it.

You might need to be brave because this threshold is going to look different than the ones you've known before. The trees that are blooming nearest to where you are standing have turned their leafy green ears towards your troubles. Go ahead, little one. Tell them about the thunder in your head. They already know.

This makes me think of a song a song my mother used to sing to me as a little girl. Trouble in mind, I’m blue but I won't be blue always sun's gonna shine in my back door somedayI know I know it seems as if the universe is conspiring against you sometimes.You wonder if there's any more that can go wrong. Well, let me ask you, would you be willing to ask a different question? Even though you can't see them, there are tigers right now drinking water in a powerful river of fresh, sweet water. Just knowing that offers joy. comfort.

Just think of it. Can you see the tigers drinking fresh sweet water in the thunder of your mind?

Even though you can't hear it right now, there are medicine people playing a song for you on their drum. It's a heartbeat just for you. Really, it's happening right now. Somewhere around the world,a medicine person with a drum is playing a song for humanity and you are included in that. And even better, it's a song in your mother tongue. The language you speak in your world.Can you hear it? Can you hear it? Above the birds and the traffic and the air conditioner and the sounds of coffee brewing and the sweepers are sweeping and the housekeepers are keeping and the artists, well, we're reciting poetry on our phone, of course. Can you hear it?

I wish I could rub this fragrant oil that smells like roses and frankincense into your hardening scars to soften them for you. You shouldn't have to do that all on your own.

I just noticed how the skin puckers at the site of the wound. The poets tell us that's where the light gets in, you know, through the cracks. Light comes in and out of the wound. (You know, Rumi and Cohen always speaking about these light-filled wound things.)

Listen closely now. Listen.

The bear in your heart is carrying you. The bear in your heart is carrying you. The bear in your heart is carrying you safely to the next destination on your sacred path. I know you wish it was different. I wish it was different too. And not because we're fragile, although we have our moments.Maybe it's because we're tired. But mostly because we know it doesn't have to be like this. And it makes us sad that it doesn't have to be like this. It doesn't have to be like this, but it is. And so here we are.

Do you remember the day when you took shelter from that perfect storm?You just stopped running and reacting and started noticing the blooming orchids? It all just seemed so unlikely to find all that beauty right next to all that destruction. But there it was. Here it is.

As I looked up yesterday... at the woman swimming in front of me.There was indeed an orchid on her shoulder in the colors I had just painted. These are reminders that I am on a sacred path. And today I'm here to tell you, maybe to affirm for you or remind you, yes, These are fierce times. Fierce times.

We are called into a future self that's more mature than we've ever been so far. And part of us, well maybe a lot of us, just want to go back to sleep. To pull the covers up over our head. To put the fuzzy socks on and go back to sleep. Yet every day that we overcome the fear which holds us back. Every day we release more withholding. Every day that we're kinder to ourselves, we are learning to see in the dark. But today, today I want to honor all the places that you are saying no. All the places you're saying no. I love your big, bold, quivering f**k no.I love your walking away. I love your walking toward your life right now. I want to cherish the few yeses that feel just right in your belly. You know the ones I'm talking about. What can you say yes to today that turns ancient starlight in your bones into actual life force you can use? You know that grace-filled stuff called Life Force?

I've heard that even with current circumstances, there is actually still enough Life Force to go aroundRumor has it, You get to have as much as you want. You do need to ask for it, however. Not because it's moderated. Like no one can keep you from it. But because sometimes you forget it's there. Sometimes you forget that life force is there and you have to ask for it. You can hear me. Can't you? Pacing the floor in my fuzzy socks. This Life Force is here. It's between us right now. Can you feel it? I can.

I'm smiling as I think about you. As I see your face. Your smile. Your eyes. I see you. The intention of noticing myself. You, me, eyes, life force, and the bear in your heart. It activates the sparks of hidden power within us. Pow, pow, pow, there goes the sparks. Sparking. Life is lifing. Stars are starring. Hearts are sending hearts. Sometimes you feel like you're not from around here. You search the stars, you look to the earth, and you just feel like maybe you don't exactly belong here.And you, darling heart, have made an art of not belonging. You've gotten really good at it.You can still be in crowds and in groups and not belong and not panic, and you're doing all right. You've also learned to practice feeling safe without anybody needing to validate your existence. You did a really good job! You are really amazing!You know that, right? Yet, precious one, I am here today to remind you that you do belong in this constellation of being. You have been walking barefoot through the galaxies alone for long enough. Right alongside the hot mess that you are in, the great mysteries have woven a milky way into the garment of your body, your sacred skin suit.

For you, I give thanks. Our cosmic GPS coordinates led us exactly to this exact moment, the one we're in right now. The bear in my heart calls to the bear in your heart. Can you hear the call? The only thing you need to do to step onto your sacred path is to step onto your sacred path.

I know it fe