In this vulnerable and empowering conversation, host Tera Wages sits down with Ally Bullock — licensed marriage and family therapist, Head of Relationships at Paired, and creator of Relationships with Ally . Together, they unpack the realities of sex and intimacy after parenting. From mismatched desire and the weight of invisible labor, to the science behind stress and sexual satisfaction, Ally shares practical strategies couples can use to reconnect. Listeners will hear real-life stories, expert insights, and powerful tools — like co-regulation rituals, responsive desire reframes, and scheduling intimacy — that can transform the way partners approach connection in the busiest seasons of life. Chapters: 00:00:00 - Welcome to Connection Codes Podcast 00:00:27 - Meet Aly Bullock 00:01:50 - 45% of parents report less intimacy 00:03:58 - Aly's Background: A marriage and family therapist with the Paired app 00:05:48 - Aly's Personal Story: Marriage, three kids, and "chaotic" life 00:07:28 - How does sex change after kids? 00:08:13 - Why Intimacy Decreases 00:09:00 - Feeling "touched out" after 10 years of pregnancy/nursing 00:10:17 - Desire Types: Spontaneous vs. responsive desire explained 00:12:55 - Use a shared note to "brain dump" the mental load 00:15:47 - Reframing Expectations: Embrace a new normal post-kids 00:17:45 - Why to Schedule Sex 00:19:06 - Study: A mother's stress predicts lower sexual satisfaction for both partners 00:20:00 - A New Approach: Schedule "intimacy time," not just sex 00:24:08 - A Moment of Empathy: Tera's husband experiences overstimulation 00:25:37 - Tip for Overstimulation: Co-regulation with back-to-back breathing 00:28:03 - Use AirPods with relaxing music during sex 00:28:53 - Study: Small, daily intimate acts boost satisfaction 00:30:18 - Identity Matters 00:31:21 - Tip on Identity: Separate your "parent" and "partner" roles 00:32:21 - Intimacy can get better with time 00:41:41 - Recap: A summary of the episode's key tips 00:42:13 - Resource: The Paired app's "Recharge Your Sex Life" course 00:42:57 - How to Connect with Aly Links and Resources: Relationship with Aly Website : Aly on Instagram Aly on LinkedIn : Aly Bullock Get Paired at 25% off: http://www.paired.com/alypodcast Download the Core Emotion Wheel: https://youtube.com/@connectioncodes?si=phORYBsGMOOrj9mA Find out how to become a Certified Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/certified-coaching Find a coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches#find-a-coach-menu
