How to have healthy self-esteem

A healthy Stoic practice requires an accurate view of yourself. Think too little of yourself and you misunderstand your capacities; think too much of yourself and you do the same. In this episode, I explore self-esteem through a Stoic lens and explain why accurate self-knowledge matters to our pursuit of eudaimonia and sagehood.

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I begin by separating self-esteem from the popular idea that “ego is the enemy.” Rather than treating a positive view of ourselves as something inherently suspect, I argue that Stoic practice requires us to understand ourselves accurately: our capacities, our roles, our duties, our individual nature, and the ways we are positioned to contribute to the world.

That means avoiding two extremes. A depressive view of ourselves causes us to underestimate what we are capable of and what our duties require. A grandiose view causes us to overestimate our importance and abilities. Neither gives reason an accurate picture of the person whose life it is trying to direct.

I also look at criticism and the effect other people's judgments can have on our self-understanding. Marcus Aurelius reminds himself in Meditations 2.1 that we will encounter difficult, arrogant, ungrateful, and mistaken people because they misunderstand good and evil. Criticism can contain useful information, and we should examine it when it does, but another person's judgment of our value is not automatically authoritative simply because they have expressed it.

Finally, I offer a practical Stoic basis for healthy self-esteem using four areas of reflection: our shared nature as human beings, our individual nature, the circumstances and contexts we have been given, and the roles and paths we have deliberately chosen.

The goal is neither humility for its own sake nor inflated confidence. It is accuracy. Understand what you are, understand what is appropriate for you, and then work seriously to fulfil those roles and duties well.