On Today’s Show: Thanks to today’s sponsor, longtime freak Alirio, we’re finally tackling the massive backlog of DV voicemails — and we’re starting all the way back in 2017 . Yes, Tim chokes on mucus, dredges up ancient listener messages, resurrects dead callers, goes off on a Tourette’s documentary detour, and somehow still barely gets through five voicemails in 42 minutes. A Distorted View holiday miracle. Tim kicks things off with an original musical ode to giant asses, Type 2 diabetes queens, sumo-level booty physics, and artisanal twerkwich construction. Stretch marks the spot. Tim digs up voicemail #1 from Sancho Freak LeBaron, recorded during the switch from the old free voicemail service to what would eventually become the venerable Oh God Hotline . • Why the number spells OH GOD • Why we almost lost it • Why Tim still clings to voicemails like a Depression-era grandmother with canned peaches “Who the hell are you talking to when you record? Who do you picture?” Tim gives a disturbingly honest look into his childhood spent pretending to be a radio DJ while other kids were learning to socialize. A missing Patreon call resurfaces, discussing vasectomies, bruised nuts, and icing the balls every few hours. Did he ever actually get snipped? The mystery continues. An unearthed, unplayed birthday message from the now-departed DV legend. Tim mourns, jokes, mourns again, and wonders if skipping her call is what ultimately killed her. (It didn’t. Probably.) A caller talks about real-life Tourette’s kids with unfiltered speech, setting Tim off on a tangent about UK “Tourette’s Camp” documentaries, tick avalanches, and why so many teens with Tourette’s scream the N-word at black strangers in public. (Hint: neurological hellscape.) Yes, the conspiracy resurfaces. No, it has not gotten any less insane. Tim is still neither Lord Douche nor Rodder Pay — but Rodder Pay does have buttery-smooth asshole medication requests. A listener explains why defendants should be allowed to dress nice in court. Tim pitches the Luigi Mangione erotic fan-fic assignment for Sextastic Tuesday and warns freaks he will put the best entries in his spank bank. Tim tries (and fails) to top Spiral Hamfucker’s patriotic screeching, instead doing a full Lee Greenwood meltdown and even dropping in some “Teen Witch”–era Top That energy. From short kings who hate armrests to people furious about fat girls on theme-park rides, Tim discovers that DV listeners have deranged obsessions, and none of them are normal. He’s dead, he’s angry, he hates how Tim pluralizes bidet , and he thinks ordering tea at Starbucks makes you a “careless fairy.” So basically, Charlie Kirk. Tim confirms the long-running feud: • Tim insists hot water is required to melt grease • Lord Douche uses cold water like a psychopath • Neither will ever budge • Domestic bliss continues If you want more voicemail shows, CALL IN. Tim needs ammunition: 📞 206-666-4463 💲 Patreon freaks get the priority hotline. 💦 Text nudes or filth to the 4-HAIRY-CUNT SMS line. • No show Thursday for Thanksgiving • Friday: Sideshow-exclusive episode • Free listeners get a Best Of • DV Store Black Friday announcements coming • Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Podcast Addict for a chance to be read on-air • Send physical garbage to: PO Box 36268, Cincinnati, OH 45236 • Join the DV Discord through the invite link at distortedview.com
