426: She's crowd-sourcing the process of finding a boyfriend! (ft. Freya Graf)

Let's be real: Modern dating culture can suck. Between ghosting, confusion over when to have sex, the commodification of our love lives, and people throwing up old photos on Tinder, Feeld, or Bumble, it's not always clear how to make it work.

But Freya isn't playing by the rules anymore. Instead of sticking with the apps, which can leave both men and women feeling dejected, she's running a full-blown, 3-month public campaign to find a boyfriend ... and she's inviting her entire audience along for the ride.

What's equally as cool is that she's challenging herself on an essentially daily basis to approach men in the wild. We get all up into how this is going for her (how do you approach a guy at the grocery store? What if he's got headphones in? What if he's taken? How does she handle rejection?), and her strong and well-made points about how we could all "do" dating better.

We also dig into the wildest event she's said yes to (hint: 250 people were watching); what happened on her fourth lap around a park after 3 failed attempts to talk to a cute guy walking his dog; and why the little note cards she's been handing out to strangers might be the most old-school-meets-radical dating move going right now.

And a distinction we both come back to: the difference between dominating, being passive, and leading (and why "leading" is the one that actually works).

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Mentioned on this episode:

• Please Her In Bed (Melanie's streaming course on how to talk about sex with women in a way that actually helps them to open up): www.pleaseherinbed.com
• Find Freya a Fella (Freya's crowdsourced-boyfriend campaign): freyagraf.com
• The Labia Lounge (Freya's podcast on sex and dating, for all genders)
• The Man Cave (the org where Freya facilitates workshops for teenage boys on healthy masculinity, emotional literacy, boundaries, and consent)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "This is not an empowering place to be that we find ourselves in."
• "The bar is very low. It's very close to the ground."
• "'No one's ever done that. Like, good on you.'"
• "I literally massage vaginas for a living."
• "That's basically a precursor to being in a relationship with a man who doesn't make effort."
• "97% of women did not mention anything about how hard a man got, or how long he lasted. And 0% mentioned him having a six-pack."
• "I want love, I love love, I'm not ashamed to admit it."
• "Don't be afraid to write a note -- it's adorable."